I answered a question from a Disney guest this morning on the Moms Panel site. I’m not quoting exactly, but her question went something like this, “We’re celebrating my son’s birthday at Walt Disney World and he’ll be receiving lots of attention and surprises. My daughter will be watching all the while. How can I make it special for her?”
My initial reaction, as you might imagine, was that any child who isn’t fall-down grateful for a trip to Walt Disney World has bigger troubles than feeling special on her brother’s birthday. I don’t think anyone can dispute that. There are variables, of course, and in this guest’s defense, her daughter might be too young to understand the concept of selflessness.
The question struck me though. I can’t help but feel as though that particular mindset illustrates a problem we Americans could use some work on.
I’ve never been a particularly coddling type of parent. Fiercely I love my children, but I believe it’s important for them to know that the universe spins on whether they are happy or not. Oh and don’t even get me started on those birthdays in which siblings receive gifts too, so as not to feel left out. Would someone please hand me a spoon so I can gag myself with it?
It’s not that I’m a birthday scrooge. Not by far. I will be the first to show up at your door with a gift in celebration of your birthday. The years we are blessed with here on Earth are worth celebrating. I want to feel honored and loved on my birthday and I want to gift those same feelings to the people I know and love. There is truth to the old adage, after all, that giving is better than getting. I would even take it a step further and say that when it comes to parenting, missing the opportunity to teach gratitude and selflessness on a sibling’s birthday is a #bigfail.
In the end, to that guest’s question I offered an answer that encouraged this mother to use the opportunity to enlist her daughter’s help in pulling off a big surprise for the son/brother. Kids love that sort of thing! Now that they are old enough, my two teens ask each year if they can help put out the Santa gifts on Christmas Eve. Truly, they love the chance to be part of a joyful surprise for their little sister and brother. And while I don’t know her personally, I would be willing to bet that given the opportunity, this Disney-bound sister would reap that same joy after surprising her brother in honor of his birthday. I would like to hope so, at least. Lest we truly are raising a generation in dire need of intervention.
Sarah R February 20, 2013 3:29 pm
You are spot-on! I would have had a hard time answering her question without resorting to sarcasm! I wonder if it was their first trip to the World? If so, her daughter could always have a 1st Trip button. But yes, I think focusing on giving a surprise was a great answer.
Susan February 20, 2013 6:59 pm
Oh-my-goodness, this hit home, although not for my daughter. I have a friend with 3 kids and if the spotlight isn’t on one of them the tears start flowing and she says “I’m not feeling special”. I have to hold my tongue. Her mother claims she has the ‘Middle Child Syndrome’ and tries to shower her with more attention than the others, exacerbating the problem. I wish I had a word of advice without being taken the wrong way.
In the case of the family going to WDW, I might have suggested giving the daughter an autograph book, so that she could make some memories of her own.
Allison@Slice of Heaven February 25, 2013 7:22 am
This is such a good point and it really hit home for me. This is something that we have been working on with C. In fact, yesterday she attended a birthday party and I had to remind her that it is the birthday twins’ birthday and not hers and she can’t get upset or pull her diva act if she doesn’t get to sit next to the birthday girls, etc! She has been super-diva-ish lately and acting as if the world revolves around her, and I am going batty as she is only 6!!! What’s even more frustrating is that I didn’t NOT teach this type of behavior and trust me, I nip it in the bud as soon as I see this attitude starting to surface. So, long story short, I totally agree, kids can’t be catered to hand and foot so as not to have disappointment, otherwise, they will be very in-equipped later in life, when life as an adult is full of disappointments. Learning from disappointment and growing from it is so important! Thanks for the reminder, Darcie!
Funkidivagirl February 28, 2013 9:54 am
Wow, I don’t even understand this. It is not that child’s birthday! BUT how fortunate for them that they get to be part of the celebration at DISNEY WORLD! That kid should be happy – it’s a win for them. We celebrated my daughter’s 5th birthday at Disney World and although it was also my son’s first time there, I made sure he knew it was catered around her….we did things that she would enjoy. My son is graduating this spring and the spotlight is on him….little sister will have to be okay with that.